Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I have always been an introvert and you know it. I was never a person to go out and speak to anyone. If you think back, it was you who spoke to me first. I thank you for that.
I have all of you to thank for being in my life and making it a hell of a lot easier for me to take stupid decisions. Believe me I don't regret any of those decisions ;). You have been with me when I have fallen and you have been with me when I got up and to that I am ever grateful.
You might have been irked by some of the decisions I unwittingly have taken in my life. I know I have been very stubborn on some of the other decisions which some of you had cautioned me not to take. You might have judged me. But, I am grateful for you for sticking by me even after all that.
I will sincerely tell you that I have never been jealous of any of you. You are like my sisters and I have been always proud at any of your achievements. I may not show it, but believe me I am proud of you girls.
Each one of you is different and unique for me. I value your friendship more than you know.
I may have ignored you sometimes because I was going through some very heavy introspection (and those six months after November 2011, it was training where I had to work 7 days a week). I may have been mean to you sometimes but I have never stopped loving you. We may have had a few difference of opinions and I may have argued with you about shit that does not matter, because lets face it, shit happens. Nobody is perfect. Not me, not you.
We are all working now and some of you (just one I guess) have married. So all you other people, stop being little shitheads and pick my calls, or call me or ask me to meet you or just send a message occasionally. I know some of your lives revolve and rotate around your boyfriends. Some of you are lazy asses. Some of you have been sweet. But, all of you are too darn good for me to lose.
I know how stressful working in a corporate world is. I know how cloistered in your room wont help you de-stress. I remember all those times in college where we used to have enormous amount of fun together. I know you miss it too.
I really try very hard to be a friend to every one of you and failing miserably because it is a one sided effort.
You move out of Bangalore and you don't tell me, you change jobs and you don't tell me. What is with all the secrets people.
Well, I wrote this to tell you that from my side you are still my friends. I know it is difficult to make time in midst of this crazy, fast paced world. I just want you to know that I am here, if you want me, I am always here.
Your sweetheart ;) :)
P.S: To Nish, Cheeky, Poo, Stef, Dee, Deeps.
P.P.S: I know I have left out a person's name in the list, FYI, she is a traitor and not my friend anymore. Hmph.
To all others:
What do you think of the new blog look ? Like it ? Does it look very emo ?
I am having problems with the blog feed. Not getting a few blog updates. Anyone facing the same problem in blogger ?
Monday, January 13, 2014
Here is how it works for normal people:
Your parents tell you that they are ready to get you a pizza. You crib a little. Everyone around tells you that you better select the toppings you would like. You select some toppings and go see if they have a pizza with the toppings which you have selected. You find a almost similar pizza and one fine grand day, you invite a truck load of people to watch you eat the pizza. You make a decision to love and eat the same pizza you just ate for the rest of your life. The end.
Here is how it happens to some people:
Your parents tell you that they are going to get you a pizza. You are so happy. You do a little dance and you are happy and ready to welcome some change in your life. Your sister or bestest friend tell you to select the toppings you would want. You are so confused about the toppings. Crust is not really important you see as what is inside is what matters. So, you think about the toppings on and off but never really settled on any one. You know you would like pakoras on the pizza and you definitely don't want coffee on it. Of that much you are sure. You want it to be a fun pizza. With little surprises in between. So, one fine day you get a chance to see the pizza., not eat it just see it. Remember, you are still not sure what toppings you want. So, the pizzas are already made with the toppings and all. You go and it turns out that to have that particular pizza, you have to have certain characteristics. Now, you are in a puddle. You don't really know what you want, but this pizza seems to know what kind of person it wants to be eaten by. You feel like you have turned up to write an exam and have not prepared for anything. You feel nervous, apprehensive. You screw up just like you always did in all your exams because you never in your life turned up for any exam fully prepared and for this you are prepared 0%.
And that guys is how groom hunting for an arrange marriage is going to work. You are just someone else's pizza and all your characteristics is your toppings.
Right now I am so jealous of all the people who have already eaten the pizza or have already decided what pizza they are going to have or at least know what exact toppings they want. And me ? I am still supposed to be thinking about the toppings. If I liked what I saw or not. I don't really know how I am supposed to do that. How exactly do you know what you would want on a pizza ?
P.S : I read somewhere that people who love to read fantasy and fiction are the people who don't like the real world that they live in. I am loving reading these two genres so much right now that I scared myself a little. :(
Friday, January 10, 2014
How do you describe yourself to someone ?
How do you put into sentences your love for reading ?
How do you tell them that you have these never endings thoughts in your head that you have to write down ?
How do you make someone understand that when you are writing and you curse the pen and your need to apologize to the pen ?
How do you tell someone the reason you prefer watching hollywood movies in theatre is because you tend to cry while watching bollywood movies ?
How do tell them that when you watch a bollywood movie in your home you bawl like a baby ?
How do you list all your OCDs to someone and not have them laugh at you ?
How do you explain your love for love ?
How do you explain to someone your whole imaginary world which is all in your head and not have them laugh at you ?
How do you make someone believe that you can be pretty crazy sometimes ? Because with your face, no one believes that you may be.
How do you tell someone that reading and writing is like food to your soul and without which a little part, which you love the most, will die ?
How to tell someone that you are a girl who likes long walks on the beach and not have them make fun of you ?
How do you make someone understand that a perfect gift for you would be a book, always a book and never a shoe or a dress ?
How do you tell someone that you would rather have a nexus 5 than dresses and shoes worth the equal amount ?
How do you make someone understand that if they break your trust once they can never have it back 100% and that is not what you want ?
How do you tell someone that the biggest compliment they can give is complimenting your writing and not how beautiful you look ?
How do you do it ?
Sunday, January 5, 2014
When I was in engineering final year, we had to do a group project. Minimum of 2 people and maximum of 4 people could be in a group. I really wanted to do the project with this mallu girl because she was brainy and she was among the handful of people whom I respected. Well, anyway, I never asked her as I thought that she might want to do the project with these other mallu girls. Turned out she wanted to do the project with me too. She never asked because she thought that I would not do the project with her. My project was a humungus load of dog poop. I hated the whole idea but I was stuck with the idea because of my back stabbing best friends. I really liked the people whom I did the project with, but the project was a load of tosh. Even today I think back to that time when I wanted to ask her to do the project together and how different it would all be if only I had the guts to speak to her about the project that day.
I am writing this now because once again I am in a situation where I really want to do something but I cant. I wish society was not so full of rules and regulations. Frankly writing, a change in this whole boring, abhoring (is it not a word ? Well, it is now) routine would be really welcome.